nfn (nfn) wrote,

why is it always so confusing..........

I wake up all confused thinking things are all back to normal I think it's just wishfull thinking :( mi amore' has gone from me days are now boring well for the most part even if I got something going on or something to do wich usually is'nt all that exciting or even when it is it still feels empty like something is missing. I've got all these possible reasons stuck in my head why things are the way they are that I can't fully go into but kinda hoping one of them is right one of the better ones that is and that things will someday come back together and we'll be together again but only time will really tell that. I mean this person I've been in love wtih for like 6 or so years even when we was'nt together is now pretty much gone from my life and does'nt seem to feel how I feel at all anymore this person I use to know so well has gone and went to someone I barely know anymore I use to know, understand this person better than they did themselves but right now am lost and don't understand this persons reasonings or why things are the way they are at all... I always thought that what we had would be strong enough to make it through anything through the ups and downs and still belive that. I mean in a way I wanna just be able to look at this as part a down period and that we'll pull through somehow but I somehow seem to be the only one still wanting to make it through this period and us to be stronger for it. I wish there was answers or solutions to things but there really is'nt any answer but time and to just wait and see how things go. I mean I been out on a *sorta* date but it was'nt the same I'm still too stuck on wanting one thing the thing I can't have in a way to even enjoy someone else's company..... I mean hanging with different people has it's times where I can briefly slip away from my pain and enjoy things but always ends back up the same as I was before it...... I think I'm doing pretty good though I mean outside being a bit down about things I have'nt annoyed mi amore' to no end about things this is sorta just something she's gonna have to go at on her own and see how it is and hopefully will remember me, remember the times we shared the dreams she once had for us, all the things that we planned together and someday come back to try again....who knows
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